De.....

Pressed?

Me?

Maybe..... A little.....

I've been keeping a lot in, because I don't want to complain to anyone... I don't want to be that person that is bitching about her life... When honestly, there is so much worse things going on right now... I feel like I'm being weighed down by all the stuff I've been keeping in.

I've been unemployed. Yep, this down economy has gotten to me... I've been looking for new jobs.. Possibly a new career... Right now I'd love to have a new career, rather then a new job... But right now I think that I'm just going to have to go with a job. I've been offered two jobs so far. Yes.. Two.

1. Working for Dollar Wise, one of those check cashing/ payday loan places. I wouldn't have minded working there for a while, but... Honestly, $9.00 per hour... I can't live off $9.00 per hour. That would barely be enough for my apartment, the jeep, car insurance, and the cell phone.

2. Working for this car lot... it is an extra $1.00 an hour. Yes.. A whole dollar... What will I be doing??? I'll be calling your ass, trying to get you to come into the car lot, and if they make a sale of you, then I get extra money. They say that with the commissions, that I'll be making about the same that I was at Allstate... That's cool.. but do you see any light at the end of this tunnel? There is no long term, stability in this job.

I really don't know what I'm going to do... I want to work, but should I hold out and hope for something better... Unemployment is going to be paying just slightly worse then what those jobs are going to be paying... So what should I do? I know with the car lot, I'd be able to hold on to my apartment just a little longer... If I went on unemployment, I know with out a doubt, I'd need to find another place to live.

Another place to live??

My one new years resolution this year, was to not move... Not once because, I've spent so much time moving... Picking up everything and moving... Last year it was 5 times.. I don't want it to be another 5 times this year.. I wanted to stay in one spot. I actually have my name on a mail box.. To some people that it small.. but to me, that is huge... HUGE... And now, I might get it taken away... Where am I going to live??? I can't go back to Mommy's house... To many animals, and my sister is prego... I don't want to be in the way of what they are going through...

I guess the path that I have been on, has been changed... and things are going to be a little bit rocky... I know I will come out of this standing strong.. but right now it just seems so hard. And talking to people about it is even harder. I don't want to be the downer in a conversation.

I guess what I'm really looking for out of all this is something that it stable... I want to be stable... It is something that I've never really ever had...